I'm feeling low..

REALITY CHECK:
DA DK COMP IS TOMORROW!
chuber eh chuber eh~!! feeling kanchiong but cant be bothered. *wateva*

MY HAND? :- Feeling a bit better, thanks to Jentz Junior, Yanti been massaging me everyday during training.

WORK: Aspernormal, tonnes of it.. tonite OFF! *yeah* I hate it when i couldnt do things fast enuff due to da irritating hand. urrrghhh~!!! guess da minyak nenek does wonders actually.. *LOL*

Anyway,it was like a tight smack on my face. Life has been cruel lately. Thru out the whole week was a freaking turmoil for me. A test given by God to really test my limited patience i guess. Lucky me, i scored the freaking test without much concentration in studying da bloody book. Wonder how did i manage that? *hmmm* My mind's cluttered with a lot of issues which i believed those were not supposedly affecting me that much. Being the nice me, like yeah rite, like as if people would deem it as a positive trait. I hope i triggered off something that would make things better at the end of da day. I think i did the right way. But that's what i thought, sometimes what i thought and feel doesnt coincide wif others. Often, i wanted things to be my way,my call & my direction. After some time, i learnt that i need to relent & open up and consider others' opinions too and that i need to be more rational & sensitive towards other human's needs especially da closest ones. But sumtimes, people just don't seem to understand me. How sad.. :'(

I've settled da prob of which i wasn't the main cast while my mind went haywire about my grp's commitment & attitude for the comp tomorrow. Thanks also to my irritating hand which had to add on to da anxiety. At the same time, another shit happened. I guess i got too carried away. I was being extra sensitive. I couldnt contained my stress & anger any longer. It was too much for me to carry. Everything was in a mess. And i had to let it go. How could i be so careless? It depicts clearly that I couldnt handle stress well enuff. Afterall, i didn't take things rationally. I'm still like my ownself, speaking my mind out on what i'm despaired abt irregardless of considering abt others.But da only difference is i'll gather the bleak facts and vent out once anger overwhelmed me. I'm surprised too myself. Yeah, i'm straight & blunt. I admit that.

I really didnt mean to touch on that part. I am in no position to interfere. I am just a nobody to u, i realised that. I shouldn't be acting rashly. I've been longing to bring up that portion, it's just a matter of time & circumstances. And now i screwed it up.. Clever Efni~! *deep sigh* Its bad of me for pinning down da person's pride and ego. Yeah, i am the one always looking bad in other people's eyes. But deep inside me, my true self, not much people would understand. Sad enuff.. :'(

I guess things are not gonna get any better. What happened this morning was too painful for me. I felt like I was being cast away.. being swept away.. being pushed away.. How i hate having to swallow da fact that the calls i've made were being rejected endlessly. What i received was just a thank u msg for da wake up call. I dun feel appreciated at all. I hate to be ignored & to be rejected for no distinctive reasons. Isn't it better if someone could have tell me off. Tell me something that would ease my mind. Rather than keeping still n numb having me not knowing anything. I'm alwez as clueless as ever.This is the worst case senario ever. Gosh.. I've apologised. Tried to make things better. I'm not succeeding and i shall stop here. I've no more confidence. I'm trying to be ignorant, i mean i am already like that in nature. Its me being me, so i gotta be extra ignorant in this matter. So if its u being u and i could understand that so y cant u understand my nature of me being me. Okay, i guess its enuff. Even if i shed tears of blood, shit already happened. What's done cannot be undone. I'm dumb.

Beneath every smile i potray, others wouldn't know the misery i'm going thru.
You are not the only one.
Others, like me experienced it too.
Some things are better left unsaid huh?

I need to rest.. My mind's too tired..

What i wanna conclude is..

I really had a rough week.

It saddened me.

Really do..

*sigh*

P/S:- You'r unpredictable, you'r unbelievable.