Shattered ..

I've been trying to pick myself up slowly until, shit happened again.
The unwanted news came one by one. Slow & steady but DEADLY.. Its like multiple slaps onto my face. I can't be asking y is this happening to me. Its fated. Its written. I'm at da receiving end, i just had to endure. Well, i've been..

The recent shit i received was an extreme shock. It was really hard for me to believe. After much thinking & analysing, it could be just a lie. To me, seeing is believing. I've a clear heart & conscience. Watever nasty or harsh words i've said, it wouldn't mean a thing especially when i am freaking angry. But too bad, all the blame comes back to me. How unfair can dis be? This was really affecting me. No doubt abt tat..

Last thurs i stepped into double O for the first time in my life, ironically. Never been der before. Nurul & Sani dragged me & Yaya so i thought y not.. Haf fun on my off day. Of cos its not surprising if Syaril & Bobby were there too. Been a freaking long time since we've clubbed togedder. Now, i dun care, even Bobby doesnt care if anyone were to see us togedder. Our conscience are clear. Ok its kind of funny for me to call him bobby though. He's my Nadzry, my budak kecik. *winkZ*

I had no intention to get drunk. But probably my emotion overwhelmed me & i was feeling really down. I was half conscious. I thot i could handle but apparently i couldnt. Look how weak i am heh. Appeared to be a loser.com.. But fuck it. I've regained my senses. Ermm.. hopefully..

Eventually, in dat state i was touched when sumone whispered.. "i'm here for u.. i kan ader.." sumting like dat. I was high and like you cant expect me to recall the exact words heh. Hmph~! Of cos, Yaya who endlessly haf been my pillar of strength apart frm Nadzry, Nurul & Eila been listening to my woes and not forgetting Jay & Ratna... I lurve u all so muchie..

I was touched when Syaril said.. At last i got my bobby & my efni back. Frm there, i derived sumting.. When u lose sumting, u will gain sumting. You cant be having the best thruout ur life. Something is bound to be missing.
*sigh*

One thing for sure.. i wud rather wanna know the real situation, the real problem u haf & wer the problem lies within us. Being kept in the dark & not having to know things specifically is a tremor. I know i wouldnt be getting this wish of mine cos dis will never happen..

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