Insanity strucks ...
Its almost 6am & I couldnt sleep.
I've been hogging on the net ever since i reached home frm work.
I've been having severe disorders of late. Like eating, sleeping & mental disorders.
Sometimes i dunno wat i should be feeling. Yes, i am truly emotionally disturbed. Sleeping pills doesnt work on me. I had the highest dosage prescribed to me & yet it took me 2 hrs to really fall asleep & i could wake up like within 4 hrs?
I am so scared of the ultimate changes, be it in me or the surroundings.
Work is hazardous.
I'm glad dat the relation with my family is good.
Gosh.. even if you see me laughing or smiling.. believe me, it cud be fake.
I tried to be normal, dat explains why on the consecutively 4-5 days of retail theraphy was to make me feel happy, to relieve my stress, to pamper maself & be contented. Of course i do..
Maybe its true wat he said, i should join him in seeing a psychiatrist. I'm so worried abt him. I tend to get so worried abt otha ppl too much than myself. Sumtimes i do wanna be selfish but i just couldnt. Well, its me being me..
I finally cried my hearts out after the so many months of numbness. To my surprised, tears rolling excessively when i was listening & reciting to my favourite doa, 99 nama nama Allah. Usually it doesnt moved me to tears. But, this time it did. I seek serenity in it. Very soothing, calm & peaceful to my mind, body & soul. I listened to it repeatedly to pull maself togedder. Probably, i've been containing my worries & others for too long dat i kind of went berzerk today. IF only sumting hadnt happened today. Sumtimes, i 'feel' too much for my closest, the ones i love & adore, even when i maself is not mentally stable. But i had never regretted nor am i complaining.
I thank God for giving me such great strength to contain & maintain.
But there is so much dat i could withstand...
My emotions were at the peak that i couldnt control myself. I was telling maself, i dun wanna burden my parents nor friends & dat i need to haf faith in maself. With the closest like Mima & Rain accompanying me online, I felt better. Much better. I luv u both okay~
And to think dat i was in a very depressing mode, i cud still advise one of my loved ones upon his worries... I wonder, was i born strong enuff to contain the abundant load?
I've been reciting prayers. All sort of prayers to remind me of the Al-Mighty. To remind me the existence of Allah. Also, to believe & haf faith in Allah no matter what happened in my life. I'm really alarmed at this state i've had landed maself into. I believe that this is a test given by God & to pass, I have to believe strongly in Allah.
Now dat i regain back my sanity slowly ..
Thank God.
Alhamdullilah~
I hope to think rationally as days goes by.
To come back to my senses as months pass by.
Insya Allah~
P/S:- I'm really scared dat i would go crazy one day. Seriously. I am not kidding.
Oh gosh. How unhealthy a depression can lead you to ..
I'm not seeking sympathy nor do i am making things up. I speak frm my heart, to spill my tots & to offload myself by blabbering here ...
I've been hogging on the net ever since i reached home frm work.
I've been having severe disorders of late. Like eating, sleeping & mental disorders.
Sometimes i dunno wat i should be feeling. Yes, i am truly emotionally disturbed. Sleeping pills doesnt work on me. I had the highest dosage prescribed to me & yet it took me 2 hrs to really fall asleep & i could wake up like within 4 hrs?
I am so scared of the ultimate changes, be it in me or the surroundings.
Work is hazardous.
I'm glad dat the relation with my family is good.
Gosh.. even if you see me laughing or smiling.. believe me, it cud be fake.
I tried to be normal, dat explains why on the consecutively 4-5 days of retail theraphy was to make me feel happy, to relieve my stress, to pamper maself & be contented. Of course i do..
Maybe its true wat he said, i should join him in seeing a psychiatrist. I'm so worried abt him. I tend to get so worried abt otha ppl too much than myself. Sumtimes i do wanna be selfish but i just couldnt. Well, its me being me..
I finally cried my hearts out after the so many months of numbness. To my surprised, tears rolling excessively when i was listening & reciting to my favourite doa, 99 nama nama Allah. Usually it doesnt moved me to tears. But, this time it did. I seek serenity in it. Very soothing, calm & peaceful to my mind, body & soul. I listened to it repeatedly to pull maself togedder. Probably, i've been containing my worries & others for too long dat i kind of went berzerk today. IF only sumting hadnt happened today. Sumtimes, i 'feel' too much for my closest, the ones i love & adore, even when i maself is not mentally stable. But i had never regretted nor am i complaining.
I thank God for giving me such great strength to contain & maintain.
But there is so much dat i could withstand...
My emotions were at the peak that i couldnt control myself. I was telling maself, i dun wanna burden my parents nor friends & dat i need to haf faith in maself. With the closest like Mima & Rain accompanying me online, I felt better. Much better. I luv u both okay~
And to think dat i was in a very depressing mode, i cud still advise one of my loved ones upon his worries... I wonder, was i born strong enuff to contain the abundant load?
I've been reciting prayers. All sort of prayers to remind me of the Al-Mighty. To remind me the existence of Allah. Also, to believe & haf faith in Allah no matter what happened in my life. I'm really alarmed at this state i've had landed maself into. I believe that this is a test given by God & to pass, I have to believe strongly in Allah.
Now dat i regain back my sanity slowly ..
Thank God.
Alhamdullilah~
I hope to think rationally as days goes by.
To come back to my senses as months pass by.
Insya Allah~
P/S:- I'm really scared dat i would go crazy one day. Seriously. I am not kidding.
Oh gosh. How unhealthy a depression can lead you to ..
I'm not seeking sympathy nor do i am making things up. I speak frm my heart, to spill my tots & to offload myself by blabbering here ...
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