Killing me softly ..

The truth hurts.
Been receiving a lot of truths & dos are hurting me so bad.
Its killing me inside & i am super torn.
Do you even care?
You're killing me softly..
I am so amazed by you.

I may not know the real reasons behind your soooo many reasonings. It would remain unknown foreva & i just haf to trust my intuition. I respect your decision for not disclosing a lot of facts. I dun wanna push u further but i still haf one more wish..
For you to grant it..
Hopefully..

My "uncle" (so-called uncle cum fwen) been reminding me on this..
Wat doesn't kill you will only make you stronger.

I've been reliving on the quote for months.
I've alwes think dat der are other people out der experiencing much worse case scenario den i am. One living example is.. my uncle..
Uncle said i must know what i want.
So what do i really want?
For me to know & for u to find out.
Err.. do i actually know what i really want anyway?

Everytime i told uncle i wanted to do something impulsively, without thinking & out of anger, he will always ask me sooo many questions dat would really annoy me BUT sumhow his questions prevented me frm proceeding. He's sumhow a replica of me. Eventually, i would get the drift.

Yes, wat goes around comes around.
I've never become the giver cos I am always being the receiver.
And i dun enjoy it.
So when will my turn up next?
But, i believe in ..

Bende yang baik akan terima balasan yang baik.
Bende yang buruk akan terima balasan yang buruk.

I agree to uncle.

Therefore, I refrain maself frm doin anything without thinking & may be harmful to othas.
Although i am capable of that.
But, what do i really get in return?
Only to satisfy myself and awaiting series of retribution?
I've had enuff of sorrows. I dun wanna live my life in misery till foreva.
Probably, my time has not come yet.

I've had never given false hopes.
I've had never been a heartbreaker.
Even if i do, i believe i was oblivious.
I've never break sumone's heart till this extend.
Till to the extend of what i am experiencing now.
So STOP having the thoughts dat i'm egoistic, dat i couldnt face such a downfall.
Dat i had never experienced this before cos I've alwes been a heartbreaker.
Stop saying dat my ego is bruised.
Dos are just ur mere assumptions.

I can change mood more den 4 times a day.
You can change feelings & emotions several times within weeks?
I am truly amazed by you.

Excuse me for being sappy..
My sincere thoughts & feelings dat i need to let out for my record.

The healing process has just begun AGAIN..
I hereby consign maself to oblivion.